Nervous

I am kind of nervous about my glucose test tomorrow. I failed the first test, although there were some issues surrounding it which may have helped in this. But I am so afraid that I will fail this one, too! I really don’t want any complications with my pregnancy because I don’t want the doctors trying to get me to induce when it gets close to time for her to be born. I guess that’s my real fear. Last time, I wasn’t too sure what to expect but I was completely fine with everything after I decided there would be no epidural (I have an irrational fear of needles and the thought of that needle scared me more than the labor!).

The only thing that really bothered me was how they kept trying to get me to schedule an induction. I mean, my last two appointments, I cried because they were a little bit harsh about it. They say anywhere from 38 to 42 weeks is normal for birth, but the doctors don’t really believe that… they were talking induction at week 38. Alyx was 10 days late, so they were pushing me pretty hard to induce. I think I was just stressed out and Alyx knew that… Once I relaxed, Alyx relaxed too.

Anyway, tomorrow is my 3hr glucose test and I’m praying it turns out fine!

My Bucket

So I’ve finished reading “How Full is Your Bucket?” and I really enjoyed it. It reinforced some things I already knew and opened my eyes to some things I didn’t realize. One thing I realized is that I think my bucket has a leak… that sounds funny, but it’s not really. I need to focus on filling my own bucket and I can do that by being more positive, by encouraging others, and other things along those lines. I have been feeling down lately due to many different things, but I have realized that it’s up to me. Either I can sit and drown in my self-pity or I can get up, be thankful for who I am and what I have and live in a way Jesus would want me to live. This is definitely a work in progress and something I think will be a life time work… If you haven’t read this book, you should. It will help you realize how much we need to encourage each other in the critical world we live in.

The Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket

“Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful.

“Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets- by saying or doing thing to increase their positive emotions- we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from others’ buckets- by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions- we diminish ourselves.

“Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic.

“But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy, and undermines our will. That’s why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us.

“So we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It’s an important choice- one that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health, and happiness.”

From “How Full is Your Bucket?” by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton.

Leaving Carolina

I was really excited to get another fiction novel. I have had so little time to just relax and enjoy a good book. “Leaving Carolina,” by Tamara Leigh gave me a chance to get back into a little reading! I enjoyed this book a lot and I always like a book that is set in the Carolinas!

Piper Wick left her hometown of Pickwick, North Carolina, twelve years ago, shook the dust off her feet, ditched her drawl and her family name, and made a new life for herself as a high-powered public relations consultant in LA. She’s even “engaged to be engaged” to the picture-perfect U.S. Congressman Grant Spangler.

Now all of Piper’s hard-won happiness is threatened by a reclusive uncle’s bout of conscience. In the wake of a health scare, Uncle Obadiah Pickwick has decided to change his will, leaving money to make amends for four generations’ worth of family misdeeds. But that will reveal all the Pickwicks’ secrets, including Piper’s.

Though Piper arrives in Pickwick primed for battle, she is unprepared for Uncle Obe’s rugged, blue-eyed gardener. So just who is Axel Smith? Why does he think making amends is more than just making restitution? And why, oh why, can’t she stay on task? With the Lord’s help, Piper is about to discover that although good PR might smooth things over, only the truth will set her free.

Definitely check this book out! A great read especially for a cold night like tonight!

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Stressed

So I am just a little stressed this morning…. okay most mornings. I’m having a hard time not worrying about some things. I know I’m not supposed to and I really do feel like God is going to take care of us, but in the meantime, I’m searching for a solution. At what point do you let God handle it by himself and at what point do you search out any and all opportunities available? This morning, I woke up thinking of a million things that need to happen, but I am unsure that we will ever get there. If you have a moment, maybe you can say a prayer for us. I’d appreciate it!

God, help me not to worry, but to put my life in your hands. Help me to know what my part is and let you do your part.

ABC

A Bed for Alyx

So, we’ve been thinking about getting Alyx a new bed… in hopes she might actually sleep in it instead of ours… ***sigh*** We want to get her a princess castle bed, but they are so expensive and I just can’t see spending all that money right now. It would be for her birthday, but still… it’s a little more…. no, it’s a lot more than I want to spend!! I found one on Craig’s list that’s like half the price, so I think we’re going to see if they still have it, but it’s still expensive!!! Oh well, maybe it will work out for her and for us. It’d be bad to have Alyx and a newborn in the same bed with us! Of course, I was always pretty good about putting Alyx back in her cradle after she got done eating, but she just can’t seem to stay in her bed at night… and I’m too tired at 2 in the morning to take her back downstairs.

My Psalms

Okay, I’ve had to rewrite this a couple of times. I’m just a little bit peeved. I finally figured out how to unlink my blog from facebook as apparently that was causing some people some problems.

First of all, this is MY blog. This is the place where I can be myself… or so I thought. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my life and what I am going through. The Bible is full of heartfelt prayers that don’t always paint people in a good light, but they are real…. they are what is really going on. This blog is my prayer, my psalm…. this is where I can pour my heart out to God and know that he not only hears me, but will help me through whatever issue is at hand. I have never called names out and said this person has done this or that to me… the circumstances aren’t as important as how I deal with them and this (writing) is how I deal with them best.

Second of all, I have had my friends email me and tell me they appreciate my honesty and openness, that it helps them. I just don’t understand why MY thoughts and MY feelings have to cause YOU problems. We all deal with things in our own way, in our own time…

Please leave me alone as I deal with my own planks…. maybe you should deal with yours before you start judging me about mine.  Please feel free to NOT read my blog… it’s not for you anyway.

Walls

So, I’ve been thinking about my last blog and about Jaimee’s comment on facebook. I think God is using a current struggle to help me realize something about myself that I never saw before. I am extremely thankful for everything I have been through, even if it was extremely difficult at the time. Why? Because it has made me who I am today. Circumstances are just that… it’s how I deal with those circumstances that matters.

I think that I have built walls around myself and didn’t even realize it until now. I think about my relationships and how I have a hard time building relationships. I can’t help but wonder if that stems from some things in the past. Like I said, I would not change anything in my past and I can guarantee my past is a lot better than most people’s, but I think that as a child and going through some of the issues I dealt with that perhaps I put a wall up between myself and those around me. As a child, I think I just found a defense mechanism that worked for me; however, now I think that perhaps I need to work on taking those walls down….  Now that I see that… how do I do it? I guess me and God will have to work on that!

No Honor

I was reading about when Jesus entered his hometown and could do very little there because the people, his family and the people he grew up around, didn’t have faith in him. This really made me think about my own life and the people around me, particularly my family. There have been several instances in my life where I feel the people in my life didn’t believe in me… didn’t believe in what I wanted… didn’t believe I knew what I wanted. It’s really hard, knowing that you try your best to help in any way possible, that you try to always be honest and up front, but still they choose not to have faith in you….

Then, I have to decide whether I am doing this to my family and friends…. am I having problems putting my faith in those around me. Honestly, I tend to be naive, to believe the best about people no matter what, to overlook past transgressions and believe that the same person who has burned me a hundred times is going to do the right thing this time. Frankie tells me I let people walk all over me. I guess, I just want people to do the right thing. But that just doesn’t always happen. So… back to my question… do I have faith in the people around me? I just don’t know how to answer that right now, except that I really hope so.